Tom Reviews "Zombies Anonymous"

Tom's Corner:

Last Rites of the Dead (2006)
Released as Zombies Anonymous (2008)
– Marc Fratto, director

Ok, pop quiz hot shots...what's the current trend in supernatural movies and books? Did you say vampires? Oh, no no no, what are you, still watching or reading Twilight (also, unless you are a 12-15 year old girl, and you are reading Twilight, seriously, what the fuck? But I digress...)? Lately, I see more books and comic books (I'm looking at you Marvel Zombies and you too Blackest Night) full of those shambling brainless undead known the world over as zombies. Director Mark Fratto of New York based Insane-O-Rama Productions is a man who was ahead of his time. In 2006, this film premiered at the New York Horror Film Festival as Last Rites of the Dead. In 2008, it was finally released to DVD as Zombies Anonymous, but with 17 minutes cut (we'll talk about that later).

This is a non-traditional take on the zombie genre. You know the usual zombie film plot: Group of humans from varying backgrounds and with various degrees of weapons skills gather somewhere somewhat defensible and fight off zombies until 3-5 are left. Those left flee their formerly safe haven and attempt to get to a zone of purported safety. This usually cuts our cast down to 2-3. Alternatively, they never leave the safe haven and all die. THIS IS NOT THAT MOVIE! That's right, completely new plot here people! And guess what? It's good! The only thing that reminds me of other zombie movies is the flickering newscast introduction, and even that is actually a wonderful homage to the genre.

Our heroine is Angela (Gina Ramsden), who is shot in the head by her obsessive ex-boyfriend Josh (played to crazy perfection by Joshua Nelson). Zombies in this movie can only be killed if the brain is completely destroyed, and many choose to be in government run centers (shown in a gruesome flashback). Also, ANYONE WHO DIES by ANY MEANS WHATSOEVER, becomes a zombie.
Sucks to be a mortician right about there, huh?

The movie jumps ahead five months and we find Angela at a “Hugs for the Mortally Challenged” support group. She's having trouble coping with her new status (obviously) and the group, which wants zombies to be normal, sits in a circle and talks in much the manner of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. A lot of these zombies seem to be ashamed of their condition, and, in fact, take great pains to avoid using the word zombie.

Meanwhile Josh, whom Angela did NOT turn in, has plans to join up with a militant zombie hate group. They don't want zombies moving into their neighborhood, and will take violent action to prevent it. He and friends Richie, Malcolm and the Gooch become members of the Commandant (Christa McNamee)'s sadistic army. Josh neglects to tell them he has a zombie ex-girlfriend who he killed, since he's still in love with (and stalking) Angela.

Angela, meanwhile, meets up with eye-patched group member Louis (Kevin T. Collins) who introduces her to members of a radical cult run by Good Mother Solstice (Mary Jo Verruto). The cult is into some pretty funky things (and also, oddly, mostly women) like lighting candles, and chanting and oh yeah, eating human flesh fresh off the bone. I assume they kill the person after they eat them; I know if I came back to life, and you just motherfucking ate parts of me, I would feel no kinship to my fellow zombies and I'd beat your ass down. I feel I am not alone in this viewpoint.

So, who thinks these two groups would get along worse than Jerry Falwell and Bruce Vilanch? Good, go to the head of the class Howard Hesseman. The zombie killers win round one, and Angela only gets away due to Josh letting her. Here, we see her life begin to spiral down. She loses her job and can't get a new one, due to, y'know, the whole being dead thing.

As she vents to her friends, they are attacked by the Commandant's Army. There's a knockdown drag out in the woods and Angela is saved and initiated into the flesh eaters cult. She meets Solstice, and the two...just don't get along. Zombie on zombie violence is just so fun! Concurrently, Josh, who...lost a lot more than just the gunfight, is working with the Commandant on a plan to kill the zombies. Watch as the commandant fights like a Terminator through the rather inept zombie attack! And hey, Josh and Angela finally get to hash out their relationship problems. Find out who ends up hash! My only disappointment is with the fact that those seventeen minutes are cut. Some of those minutes are important plot points, and they DO affect being able to follow the film.

Does anyone need me to point out the racial overtones in the zombie killing army? This is what good film making is. Zombies are best used when they are an allegory for something else. I recommend this movie to ANY fans of good horror. I wasn't disappointed, and I hope you won't be either.



- Tom