Truly funny comedians' lives are usually as funny off stage as they are on it. Such is definitely the case for our favorite comedian Ardie Fuqua (from Cookies & Cream). Here is his hilarious (and sad) story about his holiday season this past year. Ardie gave us permission to post this story, as he also told it on his Facebook fan page. Here it is:
"OK...
Ive been up for more than 24 hours at this point because I have to take my truck to get the window fixed... my truck got broken into last nite...
Heres my story.....
So I leave home to go to the gym. I get to the gym & I open my gym bag bc I thought I put my camera in there... no camera. I dont go anywhere without my camera, so I drive all the way home to get it. I go in the house, I cant find it anywhere. I basically tear my house apart looking for it. No sign of the camera. I go back out to the truck, dump everything out of my gym bag, and inside my sweats was my camera. So I put my camera in my glove compartment.
I drive back to the gym, pissed bc of all the time I wasted. I recieve a text from the person who dumped me. I get excited bc I think they want to talk, so I call them, only to find out, she just wanted me to bring her dry cleaning to her. She needs it that nite. so I cut my work out in half, drive back home to to my house in JERSEY CITY,NEW JERSEY to get the dry cleaning, then drive to her apt in BRONX, NEW YORK.
I get there, she tells me to come inside. So I drive around looking for a parking spot. I finally find one 4 blocks away. I open my glove compartment to throw on some hot body cologne bc Im thinking, "Oh, she must have something reeeeaaallllllyyyyy sexxxxxxyyyyyy in mind!!!". My camera falls out of the glove compartment, so I just leave it on the front passenger seat. I run the 4 loooooooooooong blocks to the apt ready for some loving, only to find out that she had just baked 2 strawberry pies & wanted me to taste them to get my opinion. DAMN!!! REALLY? I MEAN REEEEEAAAAALLLLYYYYYYYY????? Then she says she doesnt like the way 1 of the pies turned out, so she gives that pie to me. No, Im serious. She did.
I get back to my truck, my passenger side window is busted... FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!! They ravaged the whole truck... turned the glove compartment inside out, went thru all my cd's, all my colognes were onstole, my gym bag, which contained nothing but sneakers, sweats, sweaty undies, & a tank top that I blew snot into bc I couldnt find a rag... but guess what? In their haste, they completely ignored THE FUCKING CAMERA!!! ITS STILL SITTING ON THE FRONT SEAT!!! They took everything but the 1 thing in the vehicle that was worth anything!
Now Im driving 80 miles an hour on the west side hway & the new jersey turnpike with no window in 20 degree weather... but 1st I have to go to my party at Pink Elephant, so I park the truck in a lot. At 4am, as Im leaving the lot, a police car pulls me over bc the officers saw the jagged glass still in the window frame, and they pull me out of the truck, make me sit down on a cold wet curb while they ran the plates ( I have Connecticut plates & I guess the 1st thing they thought was "aint no niggas from Connecticut) to see if it was stolen... they didnt even give me a chance to open my fucking mouth. Finally, they talk to me. I told them my story, then I showed them the truck keys & the PBA card that I have bc Im friends with a lot of the NYPD. They actually laugh... like, loudly right in my face.... then they ask to see the strawberry pie. Then they told me that I should go home & fuck the pie.
So if Ive pissed anybody off, and youre reading this, please call the voo doo hex you put on me off.
Please. HAPPY 2009 TO ARDIE FUQUA!!!!!"
- Ardie
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