The Machine Girl

Tom's Corner:

Kataude mashin gâru ([The Machine Girl, english title], 2008 – Noboru Iguchi)

Japan is a weird place. Video games involving poking your finger into an ass, vending machines that purportedly dispense used schoolgirl's panties and other wonders that we just can't post here. From Japan also comes today's movie review: The Machine Girl. Join me in examining what will likely prove to be one of the goriest movies we ever check out here.

After an opening scene so over the top it has to be seen to be believed, we meet our main characters. Ami Hyuga and her brother Yu seem to be two typical Japanese youth. They live alone, since their parents committed suicide after being accused of murder. We never find out more about this, and it's a damn shame, since it could have tied in to the overarching plot of the movie. Yu and his friend Takeshi are being bullied by a local gang led by Sho Kimura, the son of two quite frankly insane sumbitches who are the head of the local Yakuza.

Yu and Takeshi are killed by these kids, and Ami finds Yu's diary with the list of kids he hates and wants to kill. Deciding to avenge him, she starts with one of the kids, and, after having her arm fried in tempura (don't worry, she gets a bloody and disgusting revenge, then runs through the streets ranting), finds the Kimura residence. The family is enjoying having their chef eat his own fingers for spilling some hot soup (it's so hard to find good help these days) when Ami attacks Sho. She ends up captured and loses her arm. She escapes and makes her way to the home of Takeshi's parents, Miki and Suguru. After the obligatory training sequence, they are attacked...and the real gore starts.

Holy shit...no, that isn't expressive enough. Holy motherfucking shit on a bike, there are some sickass kills in this movie. It reminds me of a really good, half funny half serious video game. We get nails to the face, holes shot clean through people, skin flayed off with bullets, murder and THEN implied rape (don't worry, the victim survives and apparently stars in the sequel wherein she has a crotch mounted machine gun...I wish I was kidding), chainsawing in half, decapitations, a drill bra, and an electrocution by piss. I'm just guessing here, but I bet most of this film's budget was spent on fake blood.

Despite the gore, the film tells a really well focused revenge story. There are some scenes that are so absurd they become funny, and some you'll have to cringe away from, but if you love a good sickhouse action movie, this is your film. Shine on, you crazy island nation, and keep the wacky shit coming.