In this installment, Tom reviews a little indie film entitled "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter". Enjoy!
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
2002, Odessa Film Works, Lee Gordon Demarbre, director.
You gotta love our neighbors to the north, Canada. Look at all they've got going for them: socialized health care, Pat Sajak, and Odessa Filmworks, who in 2002 produced a true gem:
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.
This movie stars Phil Caracas as J.H.C., the lord and savior himself. Chock full of 70's style kung fu (along with the much beloved kick and punch sound effects from those terrifically cheesy gems), wondrous costuming, a cast that knows just how serious to be to maintain the film's integrity, and a surprising visitor: critique of church policies.
The story is as simple as it is insane: Jesus is called upon when a parish has lost many churchgoers to a plague of vampiric lesbians who can walk in the daylight. This is where some of the hidden social commentary shows up: lesbians are being grabbed since “the church frowns on their lifestyles.” Along the way, we meet a truly creepy narrator (Ivan Freud, giving me some severe beard envy) who talks about salvation and is just hypnotically grabbing. You'll be slightly put off by him and yet want to hear more of his insane rantings.
Murielle Varhelyi plays Maxine Schreck, one of the leaders of the vampires. She is a prototypical goth girl, and has few lines, but has a wonderful screen prescience. Johnny Golgotha (the film's writer, Ian Driscoll), is the other major vampiric threat in the film, and he swaggers well. He's got the part of charming villain down pat. Josh Grace's exuberantly creepy necrophiliac surgeon Dr. Praetorious will keep you both laughing and groaning. Tim Devries pulled off a wonderful performance as Jesus' church liason Father Eustace, a priest with a secret. Rounding out the cast are Maria Moulton as Jesus' fellow vampire hunter Mary Magnum and Jeff Moffet as the famous enmascarado el Santo, called upon in J.C.'s hour of need. Tracy Lane gives a great performance as Gloria Oddbottom, el Santo's right hand woman who has an ass no one can resist grabbing.
Caracas' Jesus is superbly acted, and with his action movie swagger and one-liners, will keep you in stitches throughout the film. His musical numbers (spoofing countless religious musicals) will keep you smiling. I don't want to ruin any of the plot or the numerous memorable lines in this film, I'll simply paraphrase one of the taglines of the movie, 'the power of Christ impels you' to see this movie.
The DVD is decked out with some audio commentary, cast interviews and outtakes, some of which drag but are still kind of funny.
I give this film two stakes up!
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